This morning dawned sunny and bright, so I took HRH out of his 'beddy byes box' and carried him down to his garden. Loads of dandelions and other goodies are allowed to grow for him. Anyway, later on it got cooler and threatened rain, so, being the dutiful handmaiden that I am, I went out, carried him upstairs to the study and put his 'sunshine' light on for him to bask under. Then I went downstairs, chopped some dandelion leaves, sow thistle and an expensive imported strawberry, made up his pelles, mixed some pureed carrot (whizzed up in my liquidiser) and a dash of reptovite and carried them upstairs to HRH. (all this running up and down stairs keeps me fit). Horatio eyed the plate set before him while I hovered anxiously to see if he approved. He kept me waiting as any mafia Don would and I believe that this is simply another way he has of intimidating me and keeping me submissive to him.
I went away and have some coffee, then came upstairs again and logged onto my PC. Obviously I have offended HRH is some way though, perhaps by not waiting for him to approve of the food I'd brought up for him as he showed me in the worst terms possible that I was nothing compared to him. He offered me the ultimate tortoise insult.
He said to himself, "ha! I will shit in your slipper, then run away" and procceded to do so without telling me, leaving me to put my slipper on 5 minutes later and find it for myself. I've just spent ages washing between my toes in icy cold water cos the heating pump havs packed in and without the boiler I have no hot water. Meanwhile Horatio has beggared off to snooze this horrid weather away and is somewhere under my bed.
However, the upside of it is that my toes are wonderfully soft and I am considering how best to market this wonderful new all natural organic face cream.
I shall call it 'Tor-pu' and charge £50 a pot for it. What do you think? Am I onto a winner here? Will I be a millionaire by next year? Or will they find my body in the concrete runway of the latest new airport with my feet caked in tortoise poo. Just another victim of the tortoise mafia, having been punished for not giving enough respect to 'Don grecorleoni'?

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They are such a delight !!!

Who else could "poo in your slipper" and get away with it.

I think I will stick to Dove cream thanks all the same

Your tort stories always make me howl!!

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Berni, Macey's other half and mummy to:
1.0.0 Bearded Dragon- Spike
1.0.0 Royal Python- Monty
0.3.0- Chickens- Eeny, Meeny & Miney (White Leghorns)

To anyone interested, I may be able to offer a number of sample pots free of charge.

Dove is dastardly, Tor-pu is terrific!!

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Well if it takes off in a big way I can supply you with plenty - I had 3 seperate piles of tort poo poo yesterday and it does seem a same to waste it !!!!!!!!! Not in my slipper I hasten to add - I don't think mine would be so brazen

I can supply you with some to help the production along hun

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looks like I could be onto a winner here. Will try to source some suitably expensive and exclusive looking pots. You lot can become shareholders in the enterprise as long as you supply me with liberal amounts of the stuff.
<rummages in phone book to find Mr Al-Fayed's phone number> What do you think? Should I offer Harrods an exclusive deal? Those London Ladies wot lunch and Sloane rangers spend a flipping fortune on orgasmic.....oops....organic stuff and beauty products don't they? I once heard that they pay daft sums for pots of mud. From the dead seas I grant you but....oh hang on, another brainwave coming up....why not the north sea?? Go to go folks, I'm off to Hunstanton to collect supplies for my next miracle product 'Hunny-mud' prewash with added dedseal and inert organic outpourings (sewage pipe outflow to you and me), you apply it to cleanse the pores before applying 'tor-pu'. Oh wow, I'm going to look at some online estate agents right away to see which Georgian mansion I can buy with all my lovely money. I'll be far too rich to speak to you shower soon

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The apprentice is on tonight, you should ask sir alan sugar if he'll invest

Oh no... she'd be far better off in The Dragon's Den... she'd have 'em all wanting to invest!

Can you imagine what great viewing that would make!

I'm afraid I can't help out with production though... my tort was far too well trained by Sue and only poo's in the bath.

Great post again Fenwoman

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